PARENTING, GIRL EMPOWERMENT
BY HEATHER FREEMAN, MPH
The Art of Focusing On Her Brilliance
Here’s the best piece of advice you’ll ever receive:
Keep your eyes on the prize.
When raising a girl, this is INCREDIBLY difficult to do.
It’s easy to look around and constantly worry you don't have what it takes.
In today’s post we’ll talk about WHY it’s so easy to get down on yourself and WHAT you need to do when you notice it happens.
Let’s get started…
I want to share a story with you. It’s a story of how I used to look at my girl. Now I’ve come a long way since then. I’m comfortable saying that it does happen, and when it does I’m quick to nip it in the bud. But basically, what we’re talking about today is the art of focusing on your girl’s brilliance. And I’m mostly speaking to those who are parenting girls.
So here’s an example of what I used to do when I first had my daughter, 15 years ago......
When I was pregnant things were going OK. My pregnancy was going well, I was eating right, and getting exercise. But when I serious about what was really going on I felt like I had no idea what I was doing.
Now, it’s great to understand one’s weaknesses. Here I was, this was my first child and I didn’t have any experience with newborns – I’d never held a baby, never mind changed a diaper. Now mind you – I also didn’t have the most memorable relationship with my mother. I didn’t experience what some would call a hands-on mom. But regardless, I beat myself up.
I beat myself up for not having the whole mothering thing figured out, and the worst part was I wasn’t even giving myself a chance. Not only did I beat myself up about not knowing how to hold a baby or change a diaper, but at that point I was doubting my own ability to figure things out – something I’m actually super good at.
I see a lot of parents being hard on themselves. Putting too much focus on their shortcomings and assuming they'll share those same shortcomings with their girls.
NOPE. NO MORE.
Ok. No. If this is you, you’re not giving yourself the chance to knock it out of the park. You’re not giving yourself the chance to be the kind of mom you’ve always imagined was possible. You don’t know the kind of impact you can have unless you give yourself the opportunity. So focusing so much on what you’re lacking when you are just trying to figure things out is a major mistake. Right?
Hey, I get it. I did the same thing too. When I was just starting out with my daughter I was trying to make parenting decisions based on what I didn’t know. That makes no sense. That’s a horrible approach. Right?
Now I get it.
I know there’s a lot of pressure coming at you all the time. A lot of pressure to get it right, to not mess her up. A lot of pressure to listen to everyone else's parenting advice. So I’ve done something that is going to help you. I’ve distilled everything into 3 specific things. Here are 3 absolutely 100% things you need in order to build confidence with your girl.
#1 A VISION
The first thing you need is a clear vision for your gutsy girl. Maybe you envision her happily playing the piano, or pursuing her dream job of becoming a veterinarian, or dancing with the stars. Whatever it is – you need a vision.
#2 AN EMPOWERMENT STRATEGY
The second thing you’re going to need is an empowerment strategy. Now I understand that when your girl grows, she’s going to need different things from you, but starting out you’ve got to have a strategy. This is the basic, no brainer things we can all agree that you need – a gutsy girl vision and a strategy. These are two of the most important things.
#3 A CONNECTION
So listen, you need a gutsy girl vision, a strategy and you need a connection. It doesn't matter how you choose to connect with your girl, but you need a connection with her. Maybe you connect with your girl at the dinner table..... maybe you have incredible success talking one on one with your girl on the drive home from school talking about her day, her friends, about what she’s learning,…. maybe that works for you. That’s awesome.
Maybe it’s time together. Maybe you and your girl take a weekend and getaway somewhere special where you’re able to connect with your girl and you’re able to talk with your girl and build her confidence this way. That’s good stuff.
The insider’s secret to the mother-daughter connection is that you see your girl like no one else sees her. So your girl, if your relationship is healthy, is going to be sharing things WITH YOU. And it’s your connection with her that keeps her sharing more. And that’s what’s going to keep your girl confident. Because it’s not meaningful to be the star of your connection. Where your girl rolls her eyes every time you speak. That won’t work, you’re going to become a turn off and it’s not going to be good, ok?
The value in my connection with my girl is that I am able to tap into my daughter’s needs.
So I really encourage you if you’re just starting out not to do what I did, which is get out the boxing gloves and beat yourself up about all the things you don’t think you know about raising a daughter.
Get clear on your vision, have a strategy, and connect.
Three things to focus on. Don’t be hands off. Focus on those things and you’re going to set her up for success.
GRAB YOUR FREE COPY OF THE CONFIDENT GIRL PARENT ROADMAP
If you want to learn more about how to grow your girl’s confidence with your connection, download your FREE copy of The Confident Girl Parent Roadmap.
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