Jumpstart Her Confidence - Lesson 4
Yesterday you made a list of 5 topics or ideas that your girl in interested in
***Here is the high level overview of how the Conversation Hack works:
Step 1: Make a list of 5 topics or ideas that you daughter is interested in (related to her strengths).
Step 2: Write a short story documenting one small fact that fascinates you about her interest with each topic.
Step 3: Talk with your girl and tell her about your insights!
This strategy works because all girls are looking for connection. They want to be understand (by you!) by those around them who are closest to them.
Here is the science to back this up:
A recent study from the University of Georgia found that, even more than other family dynamics, the mother-daughter relationship determines a girl's future relationship skills and self-esteem. When mothers are overly critical, their daughters are more likely to have poor social skills and unhealthy attitudes toward eating, compared with girls with more supportive moms.
The finding is not entirely surprising, says lead researcher Analisa Arroyo, PhD. "We've long known that children's sense of self-value and self-image are strongly influenced by messages sent by parents," she says. "But I think this study raises awareness of the mother's role in daughters' self-views, social competence, and mental health."
You can take advantage of this by using that conversation to open up a bigger talk about topics or ideas that are of interest to your girl.
Let’s walk through each step in detail.
Step 1: Make a list of 5 topics or ideas that she’s explored.
(You did this in the previous lesson, but I'll offer it again here as a quick review.)
Think broadly here.
What books have you borrowed from the library?
What is her favorite outdoor activity?
What kinds of art does she create?
What does she like to eat?
What music does she listen to?
The goal of this step is to identify 5 topics of interest that resonate with your girl.
Step 2: Write a short story
Next share a small (or big) ‘aha’ you’ve witnessed as she has explored this topic.
Don’t overthink this step.
Review back over what you uncovered in exploring this topic, then dig into what she had fun learning because of her exploration.
Then write a short story sharing what you noticed.
Here is the template I use as a general guide.
Hey, [Daughter’s Name]
I wanted to share with you something neat I noticed today.
I watched you as you [activity] and you’ll never guess what I noticed!
[Go into detail about what you actually noticed]
[Include details about anything that surprised you or that made you think “I love that!”]
I know it can be hard to try something new.
So I wanted to share this with you to let you know that I notice things that interest you.
If you ever want to talk about trying something new together, I’d love to talk more about it with you.
Step 3: Have a conversation with your daughter and tell her “It’s worth exploring your interests!”
The last part is the easiest.
Share your discoveries.
This is the fun part. This is where you get to share what you love about her.
Here is an example of a short conversation I had with my daughter Zoe (the youngest of my two girls).
Me: "Earlier today, when you were baking cupcakes in the kitchen, I couldn't help but notice how much fun you were having."
Zoe: "Yeah - I love making sweets!" Want to bake some more with me tomorrow?"
After this conversation, she grabbed my hand and she took me over to a stack of cookbooks on our kitchen self where she asked me to pull out the sweet treat cookbook so we could pick out a recipe together.
It also helped me open the door to conversations that happened later that directly added more insight into her world.
Whether you are just starting out or are a little further along, the conversational hack is a great way to get the talking rolling and strengthen your connection as a result.
Note: The exact payoff will vary based on the interest level of your girl. Sometimes your conversation will pay off in the form of a mother-daughter date or all-day adventure. Other times it will serve as an opener to exploring a completely new interest or activity.
Don’t get caught up in over analyzing the immediate payoff here. Focus on becoming aware of your girl. The results will come.
OK. It’s time to get to work…
Your action items for today are:
Action Item #1: Brainstorm one topic you could use the conversational hack with.
Action Item #2: Hit reply and tell me what you are thinking of talking about and why.
Action Item #3: Use the template above to write out your first conversation.
Once you've completed these, fill out the worksheet
PS: Repeat this process once a day until you've exhausted all 15 topics/activities/songs that you listed out in Lesson #3.
When you finish
In the next lesson, I’ll show you two examples of the Conversation Hack in the wild. Real examples of people who have used this strategy to get regular recurring talks with their girls and grow her confidence as a result.
Here's a recap of the class so far:
Lesson 1 - The very first step to building her confidence
Lesson 2 - How to know the exact moment she’s ready to step out into the world on her own
Lesson 3 - Behind the scenes of a rockin’ mother-daughter relationship
Lesson 4 - How to get the conversation rolling
Lesson 5 - Two examples of how to use the Conversational Hack strategy
Lesson 6 - The exact conversation starters you need to use to jump-start her confidence growth