If there is one thing I know about it’s connection. Not just any connection, but specifically, the connection between a mother and her daughter. I study and teach it. It’s what I’ve committed my life to, personally and professionally.
I’ve spent a good solid part of my life trying to understand the complexity of the mother-daughter connection and how it serves as the foundation for nurturing the best in a young girl – her ability to be seen, be heard, to believe in herself, and actually step out into the world to become who she’s always dreamt of becoming.
Connection between a mother and her daughter is fierce. This unique bond is a container for affection and trust. It says ‘I care for you’ and ‘I support you’ in meaningful, heartfelt ways.
It begins with the mother as her guide. Then, in time, the daughter takes on more and more equality in the relationship and the connection becomes reciprocated. This connection, when nurtured, develops into the bond that lasts a lifetime.
Have you ever experienced such a powerful connection? That moment when you ‘feel with’ her…..you sense her experience without actually being the one to experience it? You ‘put yourself in her shoes?’
Experiencing this state of connection with her makes it impossible to yell or scream at her.
You see her vulnerability. You hear her honesty.
A mother and her daughter won’t be connected if only one of the two is willing to disclose one’s real thoughts and emotions. You and I won’t experience connectivity if we are only willing to be “real” on rare occasions. Connectivity doesn’t happen when we yawn and text message our way through a week of meetings. It doesn’t happen when we get on auto-pilot or tune out. Connectivity requires persistent attention.
And when this connection is practiced, both mother and daughter reap the rewards that come with it. This strong connection is the springboard for growth. With her mother as her guide, a girl has a positive model, one which encourages her to take her lead. She feels valued, validated, and honored and can move out into the world as she was born to do. With her sense of agency, belonging, and competence, she has a growing sense of having influence over some of the things that happen in her life. She feels valued and supported. Her safety is ensured while she is increasingly developing her independence.
This I know is true. Daughters need their mothers, now more than ever. In each moment, we choose to connect or separate and the person whom we are speaking to feels what we have chosen. What will you choose? How will you nurture your connection today?
Let the miracle fuel you. Tweet it!
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